20 Questions with a Woman in Labor (and Her Turd of a Husband)

September 13, 2016 0

20 Questions with a Woman in Labor (and Her Turd of a Husband) When your best friend tells you that he and his wife are pregnant, you are happy for them and commit to being supportive. But when your best friend Eric is the perpetual butt of all your jokes (lovingly), you begin scheming how you can get into the […]

An Interview with a Stay-At-Home Dad (i.e. Me)

July 7, 2015 0

[Baby Watch: Day 83] Recently I was contacted by a guy who runs a blog about dads blogs. (I guess that makes this post a blog about a blog about blogs?) He asked me to answer a few questions, which he’s going to post on his site in the future. I asked when it might run (inquiring minds want to […]

Go Time! – Live Blogging the Birth of Baby Oliver

April 15, 2015 22

Note: This is a running blog that is/was updated throughout my wife’s labor. Kristen was originally hesitant to let me post repeated updates during her labor, but she ended up liking the commentary and support from loved ones. Doghouse avoided.  Enjoy! April 15, 2015 8:02 am – The cat wakes us up.  We curse the cat.  Kristen finds her unmentionables […]

This is MY Human Vessel!

April 14, 2015 0

[Pregnancy Day 283] I am Baby Hemmings, and I do what I please. I will not exit this human vessel until I am good and ready . . . and I am NOT ready. You say I was “due” last week?  HA!  I scoff at your measly deadlines and projections.  Rules don’t apply to me.  Nobody puts Baby in a […]

Pregnancy Day 279 – DUE DATE

April 10, 2015 2

[Pregnancy Day 279] We are at T minus zero days until Kristen’s due date.  While the doctors say she isn’t technically considered “late” until after a week passed her due date, I personally think that Baby Hemmings is getting off on the wrong foot.  Already the habitually late procrastinator like his dad.  Do as I say, Baby Hemmings, not as […]

Casa de Baby Hemmings

April 7, 2015 1

[Pregnancy Day 276] I am happy to announce that Casa de Baby Hemmings is finally complete! After much blood, sweat, and (manly) tears, the nursery is complete, and Kristen asked that I post a few pictures to humblebrag about the progress. First, an overview: Since we don’t know whether Baby Hemmings is “with penis” or “sans penis” (sometimes I use medical […]

Womb Room

March 8, 2015 0

[Pregnancy Day 246] When discussing our nursery theme (children’s literature) this morning with our friend Jody, she said, “It doesn’t really matter what the theme is, cause no matter what it will seem like a foreign place, and the kid will be scared regardless.” And I said, “Yeah, we should’ve designed the room to look like a womb, since that’s what […]

Labor & Delivery Class: Part 3 – The Weekend at Bernie’s Labor Position

March 6, 2015 0

[Pregnancy Day 244] “You spread your legs to get ‘em in; you spread your legs to get ‘em out.” That’s the kind of lovable buffoonery that our Labor & Delivery teacher communicated to us over the course of 4 classes.  Don’t get me wrong, the teacher has 30 years of experience and is one of the nicest people I’ve ever […]

The 10 Things I Learned From Our Hospital Tour

February 28, 2015 0

[Pregnancy Day 238] Recently, Kristen and I took a tour of the hospital where we’ll be delivering our baby. (Do you like how I’m using plural pronouns to make it seem like I have a hand in the actual labor?  “We certainly hope our labor isn’t too painful.”)  On the tour, they explained the whole procedure of when to come […]

Labor & Deliver Class: Part 2 – Barbara Bush’s Brazilian Butt Lift

February 11, 2015 0

[Pregnancy Day 221] This week we had our 2nd “Labor and Delivery” class.  Or so I thought. See, as I was typing last week’s Baby Watch about our 1st “Labor and Delivery” class, I asked Kristen the name of the class, which she told me with 100% confidence.  I asked if she was sure, and she shot me a “how […]