The House That Jack Built: A Child’s Guide to Neglecting the Fire Code

December 24, 2016 0

The House That Jack Built: A Child’s Guide to Neglecting the Fire Code It’s hard to criticize a nursery rhyme that was originally published in 1755, but when they’re continuing to print the book for children to gain habits from . . . well, something needs done. The specific book that I read and took these pictures from was originally my […]

I Can’t Wait for Baby #2 So I Can Start Sleeping Again

December 24, 2016 0

I Can’t Wait for Baby #2 So I Can Start Sleeping Again As the holidays descend upon us, Kristen and I are also in the final stages of our (okay, her) 2nd pregnancy. I’m obviously happy to be pregnant again, especially after our first pregnancy was preceded by a soul crushing struggle with infertility (NO, SPELLCHECK, I DID NOT MEAN […]

How Not To Shower When Caring For A Toddler

October 18, 2016 1

How Not To Shower When Caring For A Toddler   Imagine the horror . . . you’re in the shower, your wife is at work, and suddenly you begin to hear footsteps on the stairs . . . slowly working their way closer and closer to the top. THERE’S SOMEONE ELSE IN THE HOUSE . . . AND THEY’RE COMING […]

20 Questions with a Woman in Labor (and Her Turd of a Husband)

September 13, 2016 0

20 Questions with a Woman in Labor (and Her Turd of a Husband) When your best friend tells you that he and his wife are pregnant, you are happy for them and commit to being supportive. But when your best friend Eric is the perpetual butt of all your jokes (lovingly), you begin scheming how you can get into the […]

Baby Oliver’s Love / Hate List for Spring

June 7, 2016 0

Baby Oliver’s Love/Hate List for Spring Hi, my name is Oliver. I was alive last spring, but I’m told that I slept through most of it. (I find this hard to believe, as my well-documented hatred of sleep makes me question whether I was actually that “sleepy” or if I was drugged. I suspect a conspiracy.) Either way, I don’t […]

5 Potential Career Paths for My 1-Year-Old

June 7, 2016 1

5 Potential Career Paths for My 1-Year-Old Recently my son has been following me around and imitating my stay-at-home dad duties as if he’s in some way helping me complete my chores. He’s simultaneously very adorable and completely in the way. I’ll fold the laundry; he’ll throw it back in the hamper. I’ll empty the garbage; he’ll refill the can […]

Radioactive Gazelles

May 10, 2016 0

Radioactive Gazelles Recently a few different friends of mine have announced their pregnancies and emailed me to ask for my advice/opinions on various accessories and whether they should or should not purchase them for their certain-to-be malodorous babies. (I wanted to say “smelly,” but I didn’t want to offend them, so I used a word that they likely don’t know […]

The Snowman Storybook is Corrupting My Child

April 13, 2016 0

The Snowman Storybook is Corrupting My Child [Baby Watch: Day 364] As we pull away from the winter months, I find myself fondly reminiscing about my son and his relatively normal response to seeing snow. He feigned amusement and was generally mildly curious while making the world’s worst snow angel (“Come on kid; just move in ANY direction. Arms up […]

My Baby is a Foodie

April 6, 2016 0

[Baby Watch: Day 357] My Baby is a Foodie My son is half Italian. It is therefore advisable for his future well-being that he learns to love food and eating, otherwise he will be shunned by the entirety of his mother’s side of the family, especially Cousin Hank, who is planning an elaborate vacation to Italy with the lone goal […]

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