My First Week as a Stay-At-Home Dad (Summarized by 5 Text Message Exchanges)

[Baby Watch: Day 73]

My first week alone with Baby Oliver is in the books! A brief overview, summarized by 5 text message exchanges between the wife and I (my texts are in blue, hers are in yellow):

Monday – The wife immediate forgets us both.
Graciously, I was allowed to sleep in until right before I had to assume full control. When I took over I groggily and unsuccessfully tried to figure out if and when Oliver had last been fed. I mean, all I knew was that I had a sobbing baby on my hands. I didn’t know if the tears were from hunger, from tiredness, or from exciting door #3 (poop). So, I decided to shoot out a quick text for clarification. The wife’s response was . . . completely non-existent . . . not nearly fast enough for an unprepared man with a crying baby . . . devoid of a single helpful word . . . sluggish.
1 - She ignores

Tuesday – The wife teases us with promises of a quick reprieve.
This was the day Oliver got his first shots at the veterinarian pediatrician. Yes he cried, but he also calmed down quickly, and overall I’m happy to report he handled it like a man. (Well, like a baby man. A man boy. A tiny human man.) But, after an intense but brief nap, he woke all kinds of fired up over the state of his swollen legs. Thankfully, we received word that Mother the Provider would be coming home from work an hour earlier than usual! Or, so we thought.
2 - She teases

Wednesday – Things begin to fall apart.
After a few exhausting days, things began to melt together. The wife and I needed to communicate as to who had done what. We needed to work together as a team. We needed to pick each other up. Instead, we got this.
3 - She forgets

Thursday – The wife encourages me.
I dropped Baby Oliver off at my mother-in-law’s house so I could complete some shopping, yard work, house work, etc. without interruption. The wife, having known this, decided I could use a little pick-me-up text, as it had been a long week.
4 - She encourages

Friday – The end has come.
After an already long week, the wife had an after-work social function that she wanted to attend. Since I am a loving and supportive husband, of course I said yes. I mean, I’m not a monster. I knew that she’d make a quick appearance, then sneak out to see her devoted family. What harm could come from one quick drink at a local watering hole?
5 - She rubs her freedom in our face

(Raises glass)
Here’s to the hope that next week is filled with better communication, better patience, and a total lack of Hollywood actors impinging on our quality time as a family.
(Takes a long drink)

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