Baby Watch: Day 3

How many hours of sleep did I let my parents get last night?  This many:


Four hours sleep!  We are stoked!  And, things have been a whirlwind for the last 24 hours, basically since they told us we can go home a day early.  Kristen has been very mobile (ie. square dancing, back flips, army crawls – you know, her standard activities), enough that we are being discharged this afternoon.

But that means we had two days of stuff to squeeze into one.  Things like:

– Oliver’s castration circumcision
– Jokes about Oliver’s castration circumcision
– Calming Oliver after they had to peel the gauze off his castration circumcision and he screamed bloody murder
– Guilt related to previously mentioned jokes
– Visits from family and friends
– Visits from co-workers
– Visits from enough doctors to populate Rhode Island
– Watch videos on Shaken Baby Syndrome, SIDS, and every other awful thing that I’ll be having nightmares about for the next . . . ever.
– Sit through a patient discharge class (in which both Kristen and I dozed off, eliciting sceptical looks from the other “good” parents – I scoff at you, good parents!)
– Kristen was disconnected from her many tubes and monitors (Side note: They “accidentally” left her epidural tube in her spine for an extra 12 hours before noticing.  “Oh, those zany doctors,” I thought to myself with absolutely no hint of sarcasm.)
– We had an elegant dinner date, complete with champagne flutes.  (I know this sounds like I’m kidding, but I’m actually serious.  Kristen’s co-workers got us a special dinner, where the hospital brought a table into our room and served us a fancy meal & sparkling grape juice.  We aligned it with one of Oliver’s check-ups, so we had the room to ourselves.  It was very romantic, save for Kristen’s mesh panties and my unshowered bed head.)
– And finally, we had Oliver’s adventures in breastfeeding.  When being visited by nurses and lactation consultants, he fed like a champ.  When alone, he reacted to his mother’s boob like he’ll react to his mother’s boob when he’s an angsty teen.  “Gross mom, get away!” (Speaking of lactation consultants, it’s really a strange job when you think about it – I mean, how would a man react if another man gave them advice on how to use their penis?  “You know, John, you really should use a firmer grip.  Shape your hand like a ‘C’ and really try to squeeze stuff out of there.”  I mean, that is seriously the conversation that happened.)  Eventually he stopped sucking at suckling, and then he couldn’t get enough.  He “cluster-fed” last night for several hours, right through a visit from Kristen’s siblings, right through the Pirates game, and into the evening hours.  But a full baby is a happy baby, and it led to our evening of relative peace.

Today well be introducing him to our three cats.  We think they’ll like him at first.  Until they realize that his new nursery is not, in fact, their new playroom, as they’ve previously surmised.

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