Pregnancy Day 279 – DUE DATE

[Pregnancy Day 279]

We are at T minus zero days until Kristen’s due date.  While the doctors say she isn’t technically considered “late” until after a week passed her due date, I personally think that Baby Hemmings is getting off on the wrong foot.  Already the habitually late procrastinator like his dad.  Do as I say, Baby Hemmings, not as I do.

That said, we’ve had two exciting developments.

The first is that we decided to let Dr. K stir things up a bit (see Pregnancy Day 271 if you haven’t heard that story).  The whole finger swirling awkwardness took only a couple of seconds, which Kristen said was painful but subsided quickly.  I pretended to find something interesting to look at out the window while the whole thing was going on.

The second development is that we put a date on the calendar for induction, if it comes to that.  They say 90% of women will have gone into labor on their own within a week after their due date.  But that means there’s a 10% chance Kristen will have to be induced (this is the math portion of the blog).  So, our induction date is next Friday, April 17th.  For the logistical planner in me, it is satisfactory to have a date marked on the calendar.  (Side note: I literally marked it on the calendar, as if I was going to forget the date.  I also put my birthday on the calendar every year.  I do not understand why.  It’s a physiological need that I cannot avoid.  Please autopsy my brain when I die to see if there’s a sharp object wedged in there or something.)

The only weird part of the induction is that they’ll call us to come in sometime between 3am & 7am.  In the morning.  Obviously, if you’re being induced, that means the whole labor will take place in the hospital, and it can often last a fairly long time (since the body ain’t be doin things on its own).  Why would they force us to START the whole process as sleep-deprived zombie maniacs?  I’ve accepted that, by the end of the whole thing, we’ll be sleep-deprived zombie maniacs, but why do we have to be sleep-deprived zombie maniacs from the word go?  If we head to the hospital on only 3 hours sleep after what will inevitably have been a nerve-wracked day before, and then we have a 36 hour labor (more math), I cannot promise that I won’t have to be temporarily admitted to the hospital’s psych ward.  Two Hemmings go into the hospital, the baby is had, then only two Hemmings leave the hospital.  It will be quite an anti-climactic homecoming.

(By the way, if you haven’t figured it out by this point in the blog, this labor is all about me.)

Anyways, we’re hoping with bated breath that Baby Hemmings makes his / her appearance sometime before the zombie creating induction.  In fact, we have made several plans this upcoming weekend to try to jump start Kristen’s labor naturally.  These plans may or may not include jumping jacks, Mongolian BBQ, wind sprints, intense sneezing, long-distance steeplechase, and the use of sudden cymbal crashes.

I’ll make sure to report back on the results.

2 Comments on Pregnancy Day 279 – DUE DATE

  1. A couple things..
    1. I’m leaving Facebook for an extended period of time in the very near future .. but I just bookmarked your blog so I don’t miss anything when Baby Hemmings arrives and you inevitably make the journey to new parenthood seem hilarious.
    2. I ALWAYS put my birthday on the calendar every year. You know, so I don’t make other plans.
    3.If you and your wife and your spawn every make it to Baltimore I would LOVE to photograph your family. Hilarity would ensue.

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