My Hands are Full of Butt

[Pregnancy Day 232]

Okay, lets recap.  Last night I got toothpaste in my eyebrow, and Kristen said the sentence, “My hands are full of butt.”  Just to clarify, we have yet to birth a child, and this is already a normality.

The toothpaste in the eyebrow was not all that rare, as I, a 34-year-old adult man, have yet to master my own limbs.  Toothpaste coming into contact with anything above my neck is pretty standard fare.

But the ‘hands full of butt’ comment was something to behold.

I’ll paint the scene, exactly as it happened, but it should be noted that if you put this sequence into any movie or play, it would be immediately axed for being grossly exaggerated.  Sadly, this type of conversation is a regular occurrence in the “Hemmings Household of Pregnant Lunacy” (trademark pending).

Kristen: “My bum hurts.  I think it’s because my butt cheeks are chapped, but I’m so pregnant I can’t turn around to see for sure.”

Brad (gazing inquisitively): “Yep, they’re all red and chapped.”

Kristen begins applying moisturizer to her bum.  She then spies her bottle of prenatal vitamins.

Kristen: “Oh, I forgot to take my prenatal gummies, can you feed me two?”

Brad: “Feed you two?”

Kristen: “Yeah, my hands are full of butt.”

And, scene.

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